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Rank: Newbie  Joined: 11/10/2011 Posts: 6 Points: 9 Location: adna
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A little Christian humor for a change
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly, God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They mouse.
They faxed.
They e-mailed.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They downloaded.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming:
"It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,
"JESUS SAVES."
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 604
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Location: Houston, Texas
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YashaYahu/Isaiah
44:23 Sing, O ye heavens; for YHWH hath done it: shout, ye lower parts of the earth: break forth into singing, ye mountains, O forest, and every tree therein: for YHWH hath redeemed Jacob, and glorified himself in Israel.
44:24 Thus saith YHWH, thy redeemer, and he that formed thee from the womb, I am YHWH that maketh all things; that stretcheth forth the heavens alone; that spreadeth abroad the earth by myself;
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Rank: Member
Joined: 5/14/2010
Posts: 372
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Location: Colorado
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 1/29/2011
Posts: 604
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Location: Houston, Texas
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[quote=cgb2]Too funny: http://tebowing.com/[/quote] The Bills must have been Tebowing also!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 1/19/2010 Posts: 512 Points: 1,557 Location: WA - The Evergreen State
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Let me see if I've got this logic down here. "I know the 'Good Lord' loves me and has just proven it by enabling me to be absolutely stunning on the football field. Therefore, I shall thank Him and honor Him by kneeling down in front of all these fans and those watching me on their televisions, hanging my head, and squeezing my eyes shut while murmuring something for a few milliseconds. Everyone will then see and realize how utterly humble and appropriately grateful I am, and their opinion of me will be be that I am a wonderful Christian and that God really knew what He was doing when He decided to let ME become one of His kids. He doesn't want me to stand up and look Him in the eye, but I know He loves me all the same." Yeah, I get it. Makes perfect sense. Daddy? Can I come home now? I can't hardly stand this mess anymore ...
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Rank: Moderator  Joined: 10/23/2007 Posts: 1,784 Points: 3,832 Location: Texas
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Sounds to me like someone needs to send Mr. Tebow a copy of Matthew 6:5-8 Don't take my word for it, Look it up.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Points: 1,929
Location: Houston, Texas
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flintface wrote:Let me see if I've got this logic down here. "I know the 'Good Lord' loves me and has just proven it by enabling me to be absolutely stunning on the football field. Therefore, I shall thank Him and honor Him by kneeling down in front of all these fans and those watching me on their televisions, hanging my head, and squeezing my eyes shut while murmuring something for a few milliseconds. Everyone will then see and realize how utterly humble and appropriately grateful I am, and their opinion of me will be be that I am a wonderful Christian and that God really knew what He was doing when He decided to let ME become one of His kids. He doesn't want me to stand up and look Him in the eye, but I know He loves me all the same."
Yeah, I get it. Makes perfect sense.
Daddy? Can I come home now? I can't hardly stand this mess anymore ... I can't wait until a muslim joins the NFL, we then will see prayer rugs on the sidelines...Then we will know who's greater, Allah, or Lord?...but wouldn't that actually pit him, against himself?...football, so confusing!
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Rank: Member
Joined: 5/14/2010
Posts: 372
Points: 1,110
Location: Colorado
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This morning the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the United States continued meddling
In Egypt , Libya , and other potential hot spots in the middle east, they intend to cut off America 's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T and AOL customer service reps.
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more presidents either.
It's gonna get ugly, people.
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Rank: Moderator Joined: 10/23/2007 Posts: 1,784 Points: 3,832 Location: Texas
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What do you get when the blind lead the blind? Christianity http://religion.blogs.cn...n-earths-age/?hpt=hp_t3
Don't take my word for it, Look it up.
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 1/19/2010 Posts: 512 Points: 1,557 Location: WA - The Evergreen State
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cgb2 wrote:This morning the Muslim Brotherhood warned the United States that if the United States continued meddling
In Egypt , Libya , and other potential hot spots in the middle east, they intend to cut off America 's supply of 7-11 and Motel 6 managers.
If this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell, AT&T and AOL customer service reps.
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened not to send us any more presidents either.
It's gonna get ugly, people. You just made my whole day. Thanks!
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Rank: Advanced Member  Joined: 10/24/2010 Posts: 694 Points: 1,038 Location: Florida
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James wrote:What do you get when the blind lead the blind? Christianity That is what the rabbi at my friend's Messianic Jewish congregation said from the bema yesterday! Nehemiah wrote:"We carried our weapons with us at all times, even when we went for water" Nehemiah 4:23b [center]We would do well to follow Nehemiah's example! http://OurSafeHome.net[/center]
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Rank: Member
Joined: 5/14/2010
Posts: 372
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Location: Colorado
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Another Spoof (or is it?) by the folks at the Onion: http://www.theonion.com/...human-race-has-to,27166/
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Christianity Summed Up in One Sentence ...like pls, who gives a hoot what carbon dating tells us...lol. http://www.youtube.com/w...sTWA&feature=related
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Rank: Member
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Location: westen new york
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What does that YouTube one sentence say. I cannot understand it.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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Location: Houston, Texas
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"I reject your reality, and substitute my own."
And isn't that a great description of the world.
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Rank: Member
Joined: 10/26/2008
Posts: 374
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Rank: Member
Joined: 10/26/2008
Posts: 374
Points: 915
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 1/19/2010 Posts: 512 Points: 1,557 Location: WA - The Evergreen State
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Outstanding, Walt. Thanks!
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Rank: Member
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Posts: 372
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Location: Colorado
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Yeah good two Walt, and so good to meet with you the other day!
That would be good to insert something Yah said like:
My people perish from lack of knowledge, because you've forgotten my Torah I will forget your children...
<then something from Paul about "faith"...>
<insert cartoon>
:^)
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Rank: Advanced Member
Joined: 1/29/2011
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Location: Houston, Texas
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What's so funny about christians is when that moment of relization comes over them when they finally learn that you aint playing. I had a guy that wanted to jump in front of others to get his work done by my sons and me. When he started the conversation off by thanking the, L..d, for getting in touch with me and before I could correct him he starts into what work he needs performed. I finally halted him in mid sentence. I backed up to when he first started his conversation and told him, (explained how much I hate that word) if he sayed what he says again, he'll wait like others. Well he did it again and I blew up on him. When his face contorted to a funny looking pain, I told him, "you see now how serious I am." So he waits, no matter how much he pleaded. I'm sure I'll be hearing from his boss today.
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Rank: Member
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Rank: Member
Joined: 11/23/2011
Posts: 210
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Location: Alabama
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[quote=cgb2]Funny: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnJfy2x2T5E[/quote] Now that is funny!
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Rank: Member
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Location: Colorado
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dajstill wrote:Now that is funny! Yep, my thanks to Flintface for that link. His refering to denominations/churches as a "franchise" was halarious, clever and fitting.
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Rank: Member
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Location: Gosport
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There is some level of detach between people of different religions though they could have a growing relationship in between them. The problem seems to be how they are not open to letting up even for just a bit because they are going with something that is for the benefit of everyone.
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Rank: Advanced Member Joined: 1/19/2010 Posts: 512 Points: 1,557 Location: WA - The Evergreen State
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mtommy wrote:There is some level of detach between people of different religions though they could have a growing relationship in between them. The problem seems to be how they are not open to letting up even for just a bit because they are going with something that is for the benefit of everyone. Could you possibly rephrase that second sentence so that it might be easier for folks like me to understand? Thanks.
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Rank: Advanced Member
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I think mtommy may be indicating, the co-exist that all religions are now abiding in. I've heard it now countless times, "if they aint bothering you, why do you care?" I care b/c, my Father cares, and that's all I care about!!!
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